onsdag 16 februari 2011

Discrimination in Sweden 2011

This is from my wife's blog:

Our child, as in mine and wifeys, only have one parent.
How can that be, you might ask?
You are married?
You created this child together?
You did all the planning, saving, driving, paying, not to mention went on all the emotional roller coasters together?
Wifey feeling a connection to the donor was more important than any input I might have had. We did all the research together. She did all the hoping and wishing. I did all the obsessing and crying. She was certain of Baby even when I had lost faith. When I was nauseaus all those months she carried all the bags, cleaned the house, did all the dishes, cooked all the food, coaxed me into eating, sleeping, calming down; all for Baby. Wifey's gentle hands and voice has been with Baby since the moment of conception.
"Hold your hand over her uterus" the midwife said during the IUI. Wifey's hand held Baby even as she was just a dream, swimming madly among a million others.

No one knows Baby better than wifey does. No one knows me better than wifey does. No one knows wifey better than me and Baby. Wifey and I are not two anymore. We are three. Baby knocks around when we are close to let us know she's with us. We are not alone. We are all connected.

But legally, in this country, if anything should happen to me, Baby is not wifey's. Wifey has no legal right to Baby. Baby has no legal right to her Mother.
The hands that strokes Baby and calms her, the voice that sings to her, the heartbeats she hears in her sleep when wifey is resting by my bump, means nothing to the legal system.

After baby is born we can APPLY for wifey to adopt Baby. Adopt her own child? Strange, don't you think? And surely the rules are the same for everyone having a child by a donor?
Had we been a straight, married couple, going through the same process, wifey would have automatically been a parent to the child born within our marriage.
There is no need for a straight man to adopt the donor child his wife is carrying. The law is on their side.

The social services will INVESTIGATE us, to see if wifey is a fit mother to Baby. A friend of a friend who went through the same process had some woman from the social services going through their entire house, including checking the bathroom drain for hair.
Because, of course, if you forgot to clear out the shower drain after having a new baby, you are an unfit parent.

This process can take up to 6 months. During this period, should I drop dead, baby will have no legal parent. She will be Nobody's Baby.

"I've searched the holy books
I tried to unravel the mystery of Jesus Christ, the saviour
I've read the poets and the analysts
Searched through the books on human behaviour
I travelled this world around
For an answer that refused to be found
I don't know why and I don't know how
But she's nobody's baby now

... there are some things love won't allow
I held her hand, but I don't hold it now
I don't know why and I don't know how
But she's nobody's baby now" - Nick Cave

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